Zachary hides behind balloon when he didn’t want to be the center of attention on his birthday.

Rejection does not wear well on me. It begins with the assumption that they don’t like me until they prove otherwise. It is regret of something said or done that would be worthy of criticism. It makes me think I can fix every mess I ever made before anyone notices. It says to me “you’re not a pretty girl”, “you can’t write”, “it isn’t worth the risk”.  I own it and wear it.

I used to shake whenever expressing my true feelings for fear my exposed heart would be hurt. But here I am, putting it out there for the world to see knowing that I’m a complete mess who regularly says stupid things. Somewhere in it, I allow God to be enough and someone else’s heart is touched.

When rejection strikes, its like a hook that has to be surgically removed. It always requires some pieces of our own flesh in order for it to be taken out and heal. While we passionately defend the untruth in the hurt, the reality is deep down we are afraid it might be true. So when the strike hits and its never properly removed, in our own way of acceptance, we bond ourselves to it. Then we spend a lot of energy trying to avoid any additional contact to the hook by avoiding intimacy, developing skill or stepping out of our comfort zone. We nurse it, never letting it go, and protect it so not to feel the pain again.

The pain of rejection comes not because someone else didn’t see God’s love for us but because we don’t see God’s love for us. It isn’t because someone else didn’t think I heard God’s voice. It’s because I’m not certain I heard God’s voice. Just think, if we were certain what was said was not true, we wouldn’t have anything to defend.

That’s why trying to rid ourselves of rejection feels so hard. We literally have to agree with all of our mistakes, unattractiveness, and unworthiness so that God can be our strength, our glory and our joy. If it is true that I am nothing and He is everything, then what can be said about me?!?

As we allow God to be enough, what if you discover that all along it was just an unanswered prayer? Garth Brooks may go down as one of the greatest all time singer songwriters. His lyrics say, “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”

The one who got away, the job that never called, the pretty girl who thought you weren’t cool, the team that said you couldn’t play, the school that said you didn’t make the grade, the parent who said I wish you had never been born.

We beat the donkey, the ass, whether he speaks or not for the pain that we feel (Num 22). We wear it out until the point of exhaustion, rest, and start the process over. We never really heal, nursing this wound unwilling to remove the proof of the strike because we are afraid of the pain.

What if that ass could speak and show you how it saved your life. It kept you on course and changed your direction for the better. You can keep beating the ass, knowing his intentions were impure, her words malicious and hurtful. But if you could only open your eyes to see, what is unseen to most, that the angels are there. God, behind it all, guiding, protecting and aligning.

All those hurts, those people that didn’t want you, was simply God saying “I do want you!”. I want all of you in the right place at the right time. I use every pain, every experience, every detail. What looks like a mess to you, I turn into my great Design. Trust Me a little more and you a little less.

Perhaps the hooks I still bear are simply to keep me coming back to what I am in need of, so I can have the strength to push forward to where I am supposed to go.