The week was unusually unkind. Coming into the weekend, spending time with the family felt like that necessary home base to regroup and escape the ways of the outside world if at least for a few days.

Saturday night, at 4:30pm, I texted some friends. It was just a shot in the dark but does anyone want to come over? By 6pm my house was full with three families and pizzas. It didn’t matter that toys were scattered, beds were unmade or that stinky trash needed to be taken out. We greeted with hugs, fell right in where we left off and the kids entertained themselves. It was community to us and it was the finishing touch to the re-strengthening our hearts needed in order to engage battle again.

This is how community has been for me. Belonging to a community has always required something of me, but in return it offers protection, provision and plenty of great memories.

Lately, I’ve been reminded of the challenges and insecurities that arise when getting acquainted with a new community. Please, I beg of you, let my mistakes help you.

Here are 6 Helpful Tips to Building Community:

1. Entering an established community can cause you to think nobody likes me. It’s a natural reaction when none of the other kids on the playground ask you to play. But everyone is thinking that. Hang in there past the initial feelings. You have something unique to offer this community that no one else can.

2. Be careful of picking up offense easily. I sooo thought I was past feeling left out. But not when you see pics on FaceBook of other families gathered together and think why not me. It shouldn’t be a shocker but it isn’t about me! They are not intentionally trying to hurt you.

3. Push past initial assessments. I don’t think of myself as judgmental but I’ve been shocked at how many times I was wrong. You meet someone and based on some crazy past experience and the way it is logged in my memory bank I make assumptions- wrong, wrong assumptions. It only takes a couple conversations to realize I am surrounded by imperfect people who all desire to do good (my favorite type of people!).

4. Trust timing and “the meant to be” factor. Putting yourself out there is tough. When you enter a community, there will be some friends you will make quick. There will be others who have been friends for a while and don’t seem accessible. There will be those who have no interest in being your friend. These are natural dynamics. You just got to get up the nerve to ask- to hang out, to be in proximity and willing to risk in order to win others over. Not all relationships are meant to be and that is ok!

5. Be willing to receive. When I had my baby, I was brought meals by a new community. I was uncomfortable. I didn’t feel right taking from the community that I had just joined. But being able to receive is a crucial part of building trust within a community. But this leads us to a biggie…

6. You have to give! Community doesn’t become community until you give. Yes, this will involve your time. But it can also involve your pride and making internal sacrifices of your insecurities to get to know others. True wealth builds in a community for you when you become a giver in that community with your time, your energy and your finances. If you haven’t given, you cannot fully determine if it is the right community for you.

The communities that I have invested the most in are the ones that become like home- the necessary escape from an all too brutal world. We all have weeks like these.